I never realized how much I would enjoy hanging out with my family. Maybe not all at one one time, but individually it's nice. Yesterday I spent like two hours with my younger sister just listiening to old-school records, talking about the finer points of see-through or marbled vinyl. I forget just how surprisingly interesting my siblings can be.

Finally some integrity has been brought back.

Its no surprise that south Orange County is some what of a bubble. Especially Rancho Santa Margarita, where I work. Rancho is a small city where the infamous Coto De Caza People live (A city within a city, guarded by high fences and scary security). The city exists in a valley surrounded by small mountains. The only way in and out is through toll roads that snake in and out through hills. The streets are large and and dark once the sun goes down. During the day their is constant traffic but once 5 o'clock hits the city shuts down. Business's close and people go inside their homes. A city that is guarded from the outside world by its landscape, it become clear that its a bubble.

I feel like I have lived in my share of cities through out my life, LA and Orange County but I always seem to branch out into other areas while living their. I made frequent trips to the city of LA and to the coast. But after living here Ive become complaisant. Im starting to feel that bubble and the regular and routine, whether it be for the good or not. Im not sure if it's me getting older or this place is starting to change me.

So summer is here and so far its not to bad. Already had a blast last weekend goin camping. And a couple more trips planned out for July. Hopefully they will be as good as the camping trip.

Other than that just working and summer school. I swear I feel like I have been going to junior college forever. Its like a cult you never seem able to leave. Hopefully if all goes according to plan I can transfer next year.

You are a rational egoist.
I am a rational egoist.
We live in a state of nature.

Today Was an interesting day. I popped a tire while driving off the exit into Garden Grove. Me and Geo used our man skills and put the spair on. I had to take it to Walmart because that was the only tire place open on sundays. To get to the point I blew 200 bucks on three new tires because for some reason all the tires on my car were different sizes. And I have mostly GEo to thank for that because I would have not have popped my tire if I didnt have to take him to to his stupid traffic school. Thanks alot asshole!

I cant understand how quicly this year went. Overall I was satisfied with it. Its probably been the most productive year of my life. Ive pushed myself to find my peotential and that was really exciting for me. I have alot more confidence because of it and I cant wait to see what I can accomplish next year.

So I just realized I have been out of High School for 2 1/2 years. I cant believe its been that long. Time seems to just fly by and I cant help but feel like I havent done much to show for it. Im sure working and school play a big part in that but I think I just need to get out more and do stuff with friends and family.

So the semester is finally over. This was probably the hardest semester with work and stuff. But I passed all my classes so thats good.This break has been relaxing. I litteraly have been doing nothing other then working. But I dont even care.

P.s.
I quite smoking last friday.

Sittn here on Halloween night. Just woke up from a nice nap. I feel well rested. Off to enjoy the night.




-Phil and Geo

I am so tired,
Sometimes I feel so tired,
I can't eat I can't sleep.
So tired.
The pressure builds and builds.
Seems like theres no release.
The things I see go unnoticed by some.
Fills my eyes and heart.
Anger and guilt and frustration,
And depression makes waking up every day harder and harder.
Where's my fitness to the world with my chance to survive.
I got to get money so I can have a home.
So I can breathe, eat and live in this society.
I don't even like money,
And I got to work everyday just to feed myself.
God it makes me sick.
I just wanna curl up into a hole and die in this.
This isn't worth it.
I need a raise man!
I can't survive on this faith anymore.
I can't live on this,
I'm hungry,
And I've had service,
And I can't eat daddy.
God I am the creator of hell.
And I have seen all hell,
And I have seen no arms, no limbs no brains.
You don't care, you don't love me!
I only love myself.
No one will love me like I love thee.

Life's been swell now I want to die
My body it hurts me sigh after sign
I call it torture you call it life
A slave to money and everything I despise
Like everyone in general
Fuck eat sleep destroyi am a disposable being
Who will fuck all life
I multiply and the air gets thinner and dirty
I take up space
I smell
I consume
But I produce nothing
I abuse
I have no reason to exist
The toilets clogged in this world o shit
I breathe filth everyday
Living fucks up my brian
Why? Why must I wake up today?
My eys are heavy
Why? Why must I see your face?
Your life is ugly
Why? Why did I buy into these things?
I don't want them
Tension. Tension
Frustraton. Alone
Tension. Despair. Tension
All these pressures on my life

-Dystopia

Life has been a little crazy. Exhausting to say the least. I thought I would be able to handle 15 units and a fourty hour work week. Im gonna probably end up telling my boss to cut back on my hours.

Other then that things have been good. I enjoy my classes and my job is fun and kick back.

Yesterday I flew a Kite at the Lamirada Regional Park. It was amazing.

I feel good. And its time to make some positive change! Shake off my lazyness and get to work.



Schools out friday.

Im feeln these warm summer nights

I think i need to decide whats most important and act on it.

I think im coming down with some thing. Ive been caughing all day.

Anyways I started occ again today. And only had a five hour shift. Super tight.

And to top it off the new provoked record finally came and is way down.

So I just paid of school and my bills and now Im poor. TO poor to go out tonight. Its a bust but its ok. I just got some new zines in the mail tonight and bought some chai. So here comes a relaxing night. Yippie.

So yesterday was defineatly the worst day at work. Ever. I had to open at some store in Hunigton Beach at 6 in the morning. Then the guys that closes decided to quit and I had to stay till 6Pm. I was seriously exhausted.Ive been thinking of quiting and trying to get a job at Active. I just hope they pay what I make now and they have 40 hours available.

Other then that things have been ok. Im struggling in school and I have not been giving my studies the attention it needs. But Im starting to change that with a cool tutor named Jessica Do.
Anyways. Lata.